The Incredible Inedible Egg

Eggs are in the news. Because eggs keep butting into EVERYTHING.

I remember a time, not that long ago really, when eggs were on breakfast plates and that was about it. Now, however, you can’t go anywhere without someone plopping a damn egg onto your burger, or salad, or plate of chicken and waffles. Here’s how bad the egg proliferation has become: there are now more breakfast burritos with eggs sold than original burritos that were never meant to be eaten before 10am (or so it seems—I made up that part for rhetorical efficacy)!

You have probably discerned that I do not like eggs. They are gross.

Exhibit 1: When there is a horrible Sulphur smell, everyone says it smells like rotten eggs.

Exhibit 2: Eggs (along with toilet tissue) are the top implements of humiliation against a rival’s house.

Now comes Starbucks with a new thing called “Cloud Foam.” It’s not foam kept on a server for you to download to all your lattes. It is foam made from EGGS! Technically, egg white powder. Which is probably worse than actual egg whites because they have the removed the only part of an egg that is cool (the water).

I don’t like it. And I vow to work tirelessly until egg encroachment ends.

Bill Handel

Bill Handel

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